To Christian Mothers of Daughters

Christian Mothers of Daughters,

     As I look ahead to our Baby Brooklyn’s future, I see that girls are being fought by the world’s ideals, day in and day out, even in church circles.  They are being told the wrong things by the wrong people.  Why are sinful advertisements, commercials, and websites, grabbing the attention of our children?  Why aren’t more Christian mamas sitting down with their teenage daughters, showing them what God says in His Word about becoming godly women?  This thought has been on my heart, these last two weeks, as I have sat down and looked through the Bible for things I want to pass on to my daughter before God one day takes me Home.

     Perhaps, you, too, have a precious baby girl.  Perhaps, you have a little girl who’s turning into a young lady before your very eyes.  How and where do you begin, as you try to share with her THE LORD’S perspective on difficult issues like modesty, marriage, and “making love”? It seemed too sensitive a topic to post directly on my blog, where a young lady might read something without the approval of her parents, so I am asking you, individually, if this particular Bible study would be a blessing to you?  My prayer is that the short list of questions, answers, and Bible verses, will help you, as you enter upon that very important “facts of life” conversation, in the future.  Please send me your email address, along with a little note letting me know, if you would like a copy forwarded to you! I also have three past “Dinner’s In The Oven” devotionals –“Broken Hearts”, “Waiting For Real Love”, and “A Woman’s Wardrobe” -  that I can pass along, if you would like to save them for your daughter’s young adult years.  May God’s Word reach into the heart and soul of your daughter, and shine a pure and holy light!

Love in Christ,

Kristen Kelley

dinnersready123@hotmail.com

Romance Rekindled - Dinner #45

     This past weekend, my husband took just the two of us up to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, for an overnight getaway!  He and I enjoyed all the romance of a beautiful cabin, a dusting of snow, a Jacuzzi, a hot tub, and a lot of QUALITY TIME TOGETHER! The baby had terrific babysitters, by the way, and everything was WONDERFUL!

     Lots of women like to complain that their husbands NEVER take them out on dates or do anything romantic with them.  The fact of the matter is, sometimes we women can be too “practical” for our own good!  We can “shoot down” every romantic idea our husbands ever have, until they eventually just quit trying!  It’s true! I’m often guilty of doing it, myself! Think about it for a minute.  How many of us coupon-clipping, low-grocery-budget wives automatically say, “But, Honey, we really don’t have the money for that, right now!”, as soon as our husbands suggest a restaurant for dinner or a date-night movie rental?! It isn’t fair to say that Hubby isn’t romantic anymore, if we never ALLOW him to be!  I Corinthians 7:33 “But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.”  A wise and loving husband may realize the need for some alone-time for the two of you, before you even realize the need for it, yourself!

     For many stay-at-home moms, the husband is the only “breadwinner” in the family.  The sad thing is, the WIFE is often the one who solely determines where the finances go!  Shouldn’t the “thrifty” wife allow her husband to lovingly spend some of the money HE has earned, HIS way?!  I’m not saying let the children starve or the bills go unpaid! I’m just sharing with you one of the most valuable lessons I learned, back during our pre-wedding marriage counseling days – when your husband is trying to express his love by spending money on YOU or YOUR MARRIAGE, LET HIM!! Song of Solomon 2:4 “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.”  A wife who immediately comes up with a million excuses why NOT to do what her husband has lovingly suggested, is “tearing down”, rather than “building up”! Proverbs 14:1 “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”

     People who say they’re WAITING to get married until they have enough money, or WAITING to have children until they have enough money, or WAITING to take a romantic trip until they have enough money, often wait until it’s too late!  Who’s to say that you’ll still be ABLE to have a baby by the time you’ve finally determined you “have enough money” to “afford” one?! Who’s to say your beloved spouse will still be LIVING by the time you get around to that “special date” together?! We are not promised tomorrow!  God wants us to be good stewards of all He has placed in our hands, and part of His will is for us to keep our families and our marriages STRONG!  You CANNOT TAKE YOUR MONEY WITH YOU!  Luke 12:20 “But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided?”  Does this mean you should spend everything you have and never save a dime? No! Does this mean you should spend your family’s way into bankruptcy? No! But do you realize what just one overnight trip or one marriage retreat can do to strengthen the love that you share with your spouse?!  Do you realize what just one dinner “out”, without the thought of work, children, or dirty dishes, can do to relax your spirits and rekindle the flame in your marriage?!  Don’t throw all of that away for the sake of having just a little more “financial security”! “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Mark 10:9)  God means for your marriages to be strong!

Waiting For Real Love - Dinner #35

     I’ve been around plenty of teenage girls through the years, enough to know that their emotions and passions often run high.  They tend to sigh and drool over the “hottest” guy on TV.  They know he’s the “love of their life” . . . until the next week, when a new movie comes out. . . What each girl may not realize is that they need to be praying for God to bring them a REAL man for REAL life!  

    If you’re single and on the lookout for a “George Clooney” or a “Tom Cruise”, you probably aren’t looking for a man who knows what true love is.  Whether or not he’s the kind of guy who wears designer clothes and works out five times a week won’t matter when you’re one day diagnosed with breast cancer. Whether or not he has gorgeous tan skin and blue eyes won’t matter when you’re told you’ve just suffered a miscarriage.  Is he FAITHFUL?  Will he STAND BY YOU when your world is crumbling down?  Real love is SO much more beautiful than in the movies! Real love sees you through real day-to-day life – the good times and the bad. 

     In I Corinthians 13, we find such a wonderful description of true love.  “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up . . .” (13:4) A man who understands true love is a patient man.  He doesn’t envy other men their positions or their jobs.  He isn’t a conceited man who constantly listens to himself and talks about himself. Love “Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil . . .” (13:5)  A loving man is not embarrassingly inappropriate or flirtatious.  He isn’t selfish.  He isn’t known for getting easily angry or holding grudges.  “Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things . . .” (13:6-7) Does he enjoy doing wrong and watching others do wrong? Does he try to get you to do “just a little bit more” than your conscience permits? Or is he a man who will hope and dream with you? Will he endure whatever trials affect your marriage? “Charity never faileth . . .” (13:8) If a man loves you with true love, than he will not be the kind of man who will leave you.  His love will not fail!

     Elsewhere in Scripture, we see other qualifications for a good husband.  Is he a Christian? II Corinthians 6:14 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers . . .” One of the best quotes I ever heard in Bible college was, “Do not give your heart to anyone who has not first given his or her heart to God.”  Ecclesiastes 4:9+10 tells us that, “Two are better than one . . . For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow . . .” A good husband is a man who will encourage his wife.  He isn’t bent on constantly criticizing! When she falls, he helps to lift her up again!  Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Is this a man who is willing to make sacrifices for you? Would he protect you, or even lay down his life for you?

     But what about attraction?  Don’t good looks have anything to do with love at all? Genesis 2:24 declares, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Your heart and soul need to be one with your husband, as well as your body! God GIVES you an attraction for the one who is to be your soulmate! In Hebrews 13:4, the author tells us that when you marry someone, you share a kind of intimacy with them that you share with no other human being on earth. Never, ever throw that away! “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Can you completely and lovingly give yourself to this person? “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” (I Corinthians 7:4) In Song of Solomon, the bride of the king of Israel says, “His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely.  This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.” A godly man is handsome on the outside BECAUSE he has a clean, pure heart on the inside! He is ALTOGETHER LOVELY – through and through. This verse also teaches us that our husband should be our FRIEND. He needs to be someone we can share with – our lives, our memories, the secrets of our heart - everything!

    I think we would all have to admit that the majority of the “cute guys” on television do not fit the description of the loving and godly man found in the Bible.  Most of the time, the man at the cash register with the adorable dimples doesn’t either.  While I was visiting my folks, this past week, I found myself surrounded by two sisters and some dear friends who are all still single.  People tease and pester them about getting married, but the truth of the matter is, they’re each waiting for God to bring the RIGHT man into their lives!  Dear single Sisters in Christ, do not give your heart or your body to a man who is not right for you! Be on your guard! Yes, BE PICKY!  Not picky about eye color and muscle tone, but about the things that God says really matter! Wait for a man who knows what REAL love is! Do such men exist? Yes, they do! I know, because I’m blessed to be married to one!

Living Life - Dinner #34

     One day, while my husband and I were still dating, Brandon sent me the internet link for a tear-jerking video about a little baby who only lived for 99 days.  The baby’s parents took every opportunity to celebrate that child’s short life, and when he passed away, they released one balloon for every single day that God allowed him to be on this earth with them.  I do not know the religious background of the family involved, but I do know that they blessed the Lord for both giving them their child and then taking their child home to be with Him.  That 6-minute video changed my perspective on life, forever.  We do not know how long God has given us any of our little ones, and every moment we get to spend with them is worth celebrating!  Some people might think it’s silly that Brandon and I sing “Happy Birthday” to our Brooklyn and take photos of her on the 20^th of every month.  Some people might shake their heads when they see every status we post about our little girl on facebook.  The truth of the matter is, we have no way of knowing what day will be the last we get to spend with her!  She may live to be 85 years old . . . She may live until tomorrow . . . Is that a morbid way to look at life? I don’t think so!  It’s the way God INTENDS for His children to look at life – as a vapor – as a gift that is given to us for a time – as something special to be treasured and not taken for granted. 

     Yesterday was cold and wet outside, and Baby and I both seemed to be feeling a little under the weather.  Chores were suddenly put on hold as Mommy declared a “holiday” for sleeping, snuggling, watching TV and reading stories.  Brooklyn and I were bonding with each other, and we both knew it.  Do we often get so busy with the day-to-day stuff, that we forget to just SPEND TIME with the ones we love?! In Psalm 90:12, Moses offers up this prayer to God: “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.”  

     We do not know for what length of time God has given to us our children, but in the same way, we do not know how long God has given to us our OWN lives.  Proverbs 27:1 says, “Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth.” If you were to suddenly leave this earth today, would your children remember Bible songs and bedtime stories, or a dust-free home 365 days of the year?  Isaiah 38:19 tells us, “The living, the living, he shall praise thee, as I do this day: the father to the children shall make known thy truth.”  What are we doing with the life God has given to us?  What are we seeking to leave behind? Are we praising Him? Are we telling our children about the Lord?

     No one really likes to dwell upon it, but we all need to realize that someday our time will come.  We aren’t going to be alive on this earth forever! In Psalm 39:4, David declares, “LORD, make me to know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is; that I may know how frail I am.” Do we realize how frail WE are? Do we realize that we could die in a car accident, be diagnosed with breast cancer, or suffer a fatal heart attack . . . TOMORROW?  Psalm 144:4 reminds us that, “Man is like to vanity: his days are as a shadow that passeth away.” We NEED to think on these things!  We NEED to remember that we are “. . . a wind that passeth away, and cometh not again.” (Psalm 78:39) We NEED to realize that our children are a gift to us only for a time! We NEED to make sure we aren’t taking our days and our breaths for granted!  James 4:14 “Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.” May each of us seek to spend our lives LOVING and LIVING to glorify His Name!

The “99 Balloons” Internet Link - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th6Njr-qkq0

Your Husband's Mama - Dinner #33

     I know that I’m very blessed to have such a sweet and godly mother-in-law!  One of the things I appreciate about her most is that she may give suggestions at times, but she doesn’t ever tell me what to do or try to push her own agenda.  She lets me be my own woman, while being there to help me whenever I need it.  Do we sometimes have misunderstandings and unintentional hurt feelings? Yes!  We’re still learning about each other!  But with every visit, we seem to grow closer and closer.  This past week, she came to stay at our house for a few days, and we had SUCH a good time together, as a family!  She made food ahead and brought it with her, so that neither of us would have to fix meals, and so it wouldn’t be a financial burden on us to have her come for a visit.  How many mother-in-laws do you know that would be thoughtful enough to do that?!

     I’ve heard of the mother-in-laws with never a kind word, who call to talk to their sons twice a day and act like their daughter-in-laws can’t do anything right.  If you have one like that, you may feel like you have NOTHING in common with her, and that you’ll NEVER get along.  The truth of the matter is, however, that if we love our husbands deeply and think they’re sweet and wonderful, we usually have a mother-in-law to thank for it! And there’s surely SOMETHING good you can learn from them!  You can be grateful even for an UNSAVED mother-in-law, and let her know that you appreciate her!

     What does God want you to learn from other women in your life? What does He want to teach you through your mother-in-law? We can try to do it all on our own.  We can imagine that we can take care of ourselves.  But that isn’t the way God designed for it to be.  Titus 2:3-5 “The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

     Before we were married, Brandon would talk about all the good food his mama made, and suggest that I take some cooking lessons from her.  He meant well, but I’d grow tense and let myself feel hurt and defensive every time he mentioned it.  And then there was, “My mom has taken care of lots of babies and children, why don’t you ask HER?” . . . But I didn’t want to look like I didn’t know what I was doing! I think this is, perhaps, the main reason for all of the jokes and comments in our society about “mother-in-laws”.  As a wife, we want to be recognized for our own strengths and abilities, and are afraid of looking badly to the woman who raised our husband!  Don’t you think SHE had to ask questions and learn some things, too, through the years?! This past week, my Mama #2 showed me how to cook pumpkin.  We worked in the kitchen for HOURS, but chatted with each other, enjoyed the smell of pumpkin pies and pumpkin cupcakes baking, and had a great time together! My mom-in-law was being a “teacher of good things”.    

     Certainly, the perfect mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is found in the book of Ruth. “And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried . . .” (Ruth 1:16-17) Later, in Ruth chapter 2, even Boaz had heard of Ruth’s love for her mother-in-law Naomi.  “And Boaz answered and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore.”  Do others know that YOU love your mother-in-law?  Or do you only gripe and complain about her to others, and talk about how “miserable” she makes your life?  The women of Bethlehem spoke to Naomi, calling Ruth “ . . . thy daughter in law, which loveth thee, which is better to thee than seven sons . . .” (Ruth 4:15) Is that how other women see YOU as a daughter-in-law? Do they know that you love your mother-in-law and treat her well? John 13:35 “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”