MISSING
TRACK
By
Kristen Kelley
2021
Researching, organizing, printing, and purchasing . . . I
thank the Lord for the new school year that awaits us. But I will admit my
tears. Preparing to use more school
books “here” instead of “there” has not been entirely easy on my heart.
Last March, we were at a conference, thousands of miles away
from home, when the pandemic hit. Up
until that point, life had felt like a speeding train. Traveling to meetings, packing belongings
into airline luggage, Brandon studying for his ordination . . . In my mind, I
picture what happened next being much like an air raid. The bombs fell, and without
warning, the speeding train came to a screeching halt. When the dust settled, we stepped onto the
platform; safe but stationary. The track
in front of us was completely gone. How were we going to move overseas? And
when? A year-and-a-half later, the COVID crisis continues, and much in our
lives is still “on hold”.
To be perfectly honest, it can be challenging living without
a timetable. What if we’re here for another 6 months? Should I hang decorations
back on the walls? Should we let the girls wear the clothes packed in the
footlockers? Should we buy a new mattress? But what if paperwork suddenly
begins processing? Should my heart be ready to say “goodbye”? These are new lessons in faith like we’ve
never experienced before.
Psalm 27:13 says, “I had fainted, unless I had believed to
see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.”
God is good. And He is
still at work behind the scenes.
By no means, has this “pause” been completely bad. In many beautiful ways, COVID has given us
the “gift of extra time”. We’ve been
able to make special memories with our families. We’ve had opportunities to encourage,
witness, and serve. We’ve begun online
language classes. But surrender can be
hard. It isn’t over in a day. It’s a repeated act and an ongoing state of
heart and mind. Like missionary wife Elisabeth
Elliot, there are many times when all I can do is “the next thing.”
This wait; this schedule; it isn’t mine, Dear Lord. But I know that the place of surrender is
exactly where You want me to be. Your
plan is for me to keep turning the pages of the calendar, not knowing the
“when” or the “how”.
Psalm 39:7 “And now, Lord, what wait I for? my hope is in
thee.”
Like the beautiful song, by Ron Hamilton, “My Hope Is Jesus”.
And when I let go – giving to God the uncertainties and the
unknowns – He “restoreth my soul” (Psalm 23:3). He reminds me that He is in control. The earth is His – “ . . . the world, and
they that dwell therein.” (Psalm 24:1)
And while He holds the Universe in the palm of His hand, He merely asks
that I trust Him.
The pencils are sharpened.
The charts have been made. The
textbooks are on the shelf. I do not know the future, but I can do “the next
thing”. And thus another school year
begins.
* I pray that this transparent update will somehow encourage
you in your walk with the Lord. “Many things about tomorrow I don’t seem to
understand, But I know Who holds tomorrow And I know Who holds my hand.”
