I am so grateful to God for all of you who have been praying for us! I am so grateful to Him for the work that He has been doing in my heart! For what has felt like ages, I could hardly even talk to the Lord about this possible moving situation. I wanted to trust Him so badly, but felt as though somehow He just didn’t know what He was doing, this time . . . He just didn’t understand . . . I wanted to be the one in control! I didn’t like all of the waiting for answers, and somehow felt rather like Jacob, “wrestling with the angel”, left and right. I didn’t want to move . . . Then, was willing to move . . . Worried about MY parents if we DID move . . . Then worried about HIS parents if we DIDN’T move . . . Fretted over my husband’s work situation . . . Fretted over my own pregnancy and delivery situation . . . Gave the Lord all my problems in prayer . . . Then took my burdens right back off the altar . . . . . . again and again.
Just this week, it was finally as though I came to the end of myself and saw all of my distrust of the Lord for the ugliness that it truly was. One night, I prayed and cried from our bedroom, telling the Lord every single thing I was afraid of, in the midst of this waiting process, and every single thing I needed HIM ALONE to care for. Psalm 139:2 says,“ . . . thou understandest my thought afar off.” How GLAD I am that He does! He knows EXACTLY what we’re going through at any given point and time in our lives! The Bible reminds us that He even holds our very breath in His hands (Daniel 5:23). Why don’t we trust Him more?!
The truth of the matter is, I still don’t have the answers for the things our family is facing, right now. I still don’t know if we will be moving to a different state within the next few weeks. I still don’t know how we would financially take care of everything if we moved OR if we stayed. The Lord has recently reminded me of Colossians 3:15, however: “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts . . .” It is a CHOICE we make! His peace is right there for the taking, but we must LET it rule within our hearts! Sometimes we don’t truly want that peace of God, do we? We THINK we want it, but we aren’t really LETTING God give it to us!
Could I allow those anxious worries to come right back to my heart? Quite easily! I could become fearful, all over again, of having a new delivery doctor, of uprooting Brooklyn from her “baby routine”, of temporarily living with my in-laws, of not making it back to Georgia for Thanksgiving, or of possibly not having our own home until month 8 or 9 of my pregnancy . . . but I’d rather LET God’s peace be at rule in my heart! I’d rather trust Him for Who He really is! Psalm 55:18 declares, “He hath delivered my soul in peace from the battle that was against me . . .” I don’t want that “fear battle” to rage within my heart again, any time soon! I’d rather say with the Psalmist David, “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.” (Psalm 56:3) We may move or we may stay, but God is still in control! And HIS way is BEST! Thank You, Lord, for Your precious peace!