Peaceful Thoughts - Dinner #65

     I am so grateful to God for all of you who have been praying for us! I am so grateful to Him for the work that He has been doing in my heart!  For what has felt like ages, I could hardly even talk to the Lord about this possible moving situation.  I wanted to trust Him so badly, but felt as though somehow He just didn’t know what He was doing, this time . . . He just didn’t understand . . . I wanted to be the one in control! I didn’t like all of the waiting for answers, and somehow felt rather like Jacob, “wrestling with the angel”, left and right. I didn’t want to move . . . Then, was willing to move . . . Worried about MY parents if we DID move . . . Then worried about HIS parents if we DIDN’T move . . . Fretted over my husband’s work situation . . . Fretted over my own pregnancy and delivery situation . . . Gave the Lord all my problems in prayer . . . Then took my burdens right back off the altar . . . . . . again and again. 

     Just this week, it was finally as though I came to the end of myself  and saw all of my distrust of the Lord for the ugliness that it truly was. One night, I prayed and cried from our bedroom, telling the Lord every single thing I was afraid of, in the midst of this waiting process, and every single thing I needed HIM ALONE to care for.  Psalm 139:2 says,“ . . . thou understandest my thought afar off.” How GLAD I am that He does! He knows EXACTLY what we’re going through at any given point and time in our lives! The Bible reminds us that He even holds our very breath in His hands (Daniel 5:23). Why don’t we trust Him more?!

     The truth of the matter is, I still don’t have the answers for the things our family is facing, right now.  I still don’t know if we will be moving to a different state within the next few weeks.   I still don’t know how we would financially take care of everything if we moved OR if we stayed. The Lord has recently reminded me of Colossians 3:15, however: “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts . . .” It is a CHOICE we make! His peace is right there for the taking, but we must LET it rule within our hearts!  Sometimes we don’t truly want that peace of God, do we? We THINK we want it, but we aren’t really LETTING God give it to us! 

     Could I allow those anxious worries to come right back to my heart? Quite easily! I could become fearful, all over again, of having a new delivery doctor, of uprooting Brooklyn from her “baby routine”, of temporarily living with my in-laws, of not making it back to Georgia for Thanksgiving, or of possibly not having our own home until month 8 or 9 of my pregnancy . . . but I’d rather LET God’s peace be at rule in my heart! I’d rather trust Him for Who He really is! Psalm 55:18 declares, “He hath delivered my soul in peace from the battle that was against me . . .” I don’t want that “fear battle” to rage within my heart again, any time soon! I’d rather say with the Psalmist David, “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.” (Psalm 56:3) We may move or we may stay, but God is still in control! And HIS way is BEST! Thank You, Lord, for Your precious peace!

A Same But Different Sea - Dinner #55

     Sometimes we’re faced with a brand new trial, we’ve never known before.  Sometimes we’re faced with a trial that is the same, yet, somehow different.   Joshua 3:4 says, “. . . that ye may know the way by which ye must go: for ye have not passed this way heretofore.” My own family is facing a “fork in the road”.  We have been for several months now.  Some weeks we feel as though we have peace about a step in a certain direction, and then, all of a sudden, things change again.  As a woman, my heart desires  STABILITY!  I have the peace and the certainty that my husband wants what is best for our family, but any talk of moving ANYWHERE or changing ANYTHING has been very unsettling to me, lately.

      This past Sunday night, I had the opportunity to hear some of the Crown College “Preacher Boys” in our pulpit.  One of them preached from Matthew chapter 14.  “And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go . . . But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary. And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.” (Matthew 14:22, 24-25) This young man pointed out that some of these disciples had done this before! They were fishermen, and had gone across this sea many times - but this time it was different.  That thought really stuck with me.  You see, I, too, have a “sea” before me that I’ve crossed many times – but this time, it’s different . . . My husband keeps talking about the possibility of us moving or changing jobs.  That is NOT a new sea to me!  I’ve moved SO many times in my life!  My dad was in the military! But this time, it’s different . . .  I don’t want to leave the first home of our married life! Everything from the carpeting to the cabinets has been just right for us! We’re close to grocery stores, a library, parks, church, friends . . Perhaps, God won’t have us actually move.  But, even if we don’t, a job change is frightening, too! I’ve been through job changes before, but we have a baby now! What about health coverage? What if we find out we’re having another baby, before new insurance goes into place? In many ways, we “have not passed this way heretofore.”

     The young man preaching on Sunday night, went on to say that this sailing in the boat was a journey to COME TO CHRIST!  Matthew 14:28-29 “And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come . . .”  Lord, if it is YOU . . . I must be assured in my heart, that if GOD has us move or change jobs, then it will be a journey to DRAW US CLOSER TO HIM!  In Exodus 33:13, Moses begged the Lord, “Now therefore, I pray thee, if I have found grace in thy sight, shew me now thy way, that I may know thee . . .” Is this what You would have our family do, Oh Lord?  Please show us the path to KNOWING YOU MORE!  Exodus 33:15 continues Moses’ conversation: “And he said unto him, If thy presence go not with me, carry us not up hence.” If You’re not going with us, Lord, then please don’t move us! May we only move or make a change, if YOU will be with us! That should be our prayer!

     Are you facing a familiar sea with a different type of storm than before?  Praise God, that our Lord is the OVERCOMER of storms!  “ . . . for he commandeth even the winds and water, and they obey him.” (Luke 8:25)  “He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still.” (Psalm 107:29) Jesus may tell us to “go” out into the sea, but He will also be there to reach out His hand, and to say unto us, “Come” . . . As a lovely Wild’s song says, “Draw me close to Thyself, O Lord, And give me peace in the midst of my storm...”  If it is a sailing journey of GOD’S choosing, then it is a journey to draw us closer to Himself!