Driven - Dinner #97

“Mommy’s laughing!” 

I smiled, but deep down inside, the exclamation of our little 4-year-old saddened me.

I interact with people so frequently, as we travel.  I speak to others at our missions table.  I teach.  But, wow!  Do I really laugh so seldom?!  Her exclamation made me recall another recent incident – a game of chase in the backyard - when our 5-year-old giggled and cried out, “Mommy’s having fun!”

How convicting!  Do the pressures and stresses of life control me so? 

When I’m overworking, I can usually feel the achiness all over; even my wrists get sore.  Too often I push myself to that point.  After nearly a decade of marriage, my sweet husband has learned the warning signs, and tries his best to make me rest, but I can be rather determined.  My Grandma Trudy always used to say there was a “Guthrie Stubborn Streak”. I think that in myself that stubbornness sometimes manifests itself in the desire to finish something . . . or die trying.  The tunnel vision sets in and I can become DRIVEN.  Laughing Mommy goes out the door.  The wife who snuggles on the couch cannot be found.  And Kristen Kelley is suddenly blind to all else but THE TASK. 

It would take several pages to describe all that goes into missionary Deputation.  If you’ve ever packed for a road trip, a family reunion, or a week at camp, you understand the general idea.  The Deputation Mama does this same process over and over again.  Church clothes, travel clothes, school books, snacks . . . oftentimes for 2-3 years.  As this part of the journey starts coming to a close, all the preparations for an overseas move are then added to the still ongoing travels to churches. 

The last several weeks have found me here - surrounded by boxes, and bubble wrap, and packing tape. Sometimes in full-out frustration.  Sometimes in sentimental tears.

Why am I telling you this? Because, as wives and mothers, we can all become captive to the pressures of life. We can forget how to laugh, or even how to BREATHE.

I Peter 5:7 reminds us to be “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”

For me it is every suitcase yet to be packed; every item yet to be purchased; every "goodbye" yet to be spoken . . . I can give it ALL over to the Sweet Master of my soul.  I can trust Him with every aspect. And I desperately NEED to.

In Matthew chapter 11, Christ says, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

When the stresses of life threaten to strangle us, we must ask ourselves whose yoke we are wearing. The light one placed on us by Christ? Or a much heavier one of our own making?

It is CHRIST Who leadeth me beside the STILL waters.  It is CHRIST Who maketh the wind and the waves to cease.  It is CHRIST Who returns the peaceful CALM to my life. 

When I allow that calm to enter my soul, do you know what happens? I can laugh with my husband again.   I can look up from the folding and SEE my daughter when she speaks to me.  I can prepare for an international move without those preparations controlling me. 

In thankfulness to the Lord, I can rise from my knees, declaring, “I am no longer a slave to the task at hand. I am no longer DRIVEN.  I am FREE.”