Awaiting A Rainbow

AWAITING A RAINBOW

By Kristen Kelley

The myriad of emotions I feel in my heart as my due date approaches is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever known.  Do I dare to write that?  To share that with the world?  The last time I visited the L&D floor of our local hospital was 2+1/2 years ago.  The last time I visited the L&D floor of our local hospital, I left with empty arms. 

God has brought about great beauty from the ashes, since that sorrowful day.  Knowing my booklet A Letter In Your Loss has now been put into the hands of hundreds of other grieving mamas – that has been something beyond anything I could have ever asked or thought (Eph. 3:20).  But here I am – bereavement author Kristen Kelley – staring labor in the face once again, and praying that this time, there will be life on the other side. Praying that there will be happy tears and smiles, infant cries, and the warmth of sweet baby cuddles. 

Jeremiah 31:13 “. . . for I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow.”

It can be weighty on one’s heart, seeking to hold out the hope of God to groups where mamas are literally losing their babies every day. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy with various “nesting activities” and not dwell on panic-triggering fears.  Anxiety seeks to infiltrate my heart, just the same.

“My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give praise.” Psalm 57:7

God has not given me the spirit of fear (II Tim. 1:7).  I cling to that.  But I am human.  And the broken heart that God has healed so incredibly, feels extremely vulnerable just now.  Not everyone must work through the difficulty of reliving a trauma, but we all deal with difficulties.  The hymn phrase “all your anxiety, all your care, Bring to the mercy seat, leave it there . . .” keeps running through my mind.

Delivering a live baby often brings with it a sense of maternal strength and power.  I lost so much of that confidence during the miscarriage delivery with our son. My body failed me over and over again on that day. What if it fails me now?

Isaiah 41:10 “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”

Isaiah 41:10 has long been my “life verse”, and I love how it still anchors my heart – even in this.

What do you cling to in your “this”? You may not be facing your biggest fears as you await the delivery of a “rainbow”.  You may be facing a mind struggle of an entirely different kind.  Do you know where to turn when Satan is seeking to rob you of your peace?

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” (Isaiah 26:3)

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.”

Look to Our Precious Savior, Dear Sister!  No matter your trial; your dilemma; your fear.

“And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)